your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
3pm strippers are depressing
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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