normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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