Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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