Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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