So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
