but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
