she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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