I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
