Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
