five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
