someone threw a dead crab at me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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