all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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