I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
