Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
