He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
