I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
