i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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