So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
