come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
