when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
