i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
