Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
