My hand turned me down
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
