hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Randomize
