I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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