i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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