??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
