You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
