Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
