I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
