Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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