3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
