He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
