He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
