wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
