Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
