She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
