; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
