Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
