so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
