Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
