she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
