Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you had me at cake vodka
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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