your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize