I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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