it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize