4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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