Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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