i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
