Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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