Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
