Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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