I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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