I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So drunk its hurt
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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