ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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