we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
