i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
