she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
