The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
