he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
