so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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