she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
