I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
