On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize