Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
