She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
