I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
