I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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